- Rita Smith, 62, and her husband, Theodore Smith, Sr., 64, have been married for over 40 years.
- They shared their best sex tips, from investing in lingerie to bonding outside the bedroom.
- For more advice from forever-couples, here are tips on how to fight well and stay independent.
It’s a cliché that sex fizzles out in a long-term relationship. The novelty of sexual tension wears off as you know every detail of each other’s bodies. Over the years, you might also live through some difficult experiences together, putting intimacy on the back burner. Soon, you settle into a comfortable, albeit sexless, dynamic — especially as you get older.
Rita Smith, a happily married 62-year-old woman, is here to dispel that myth. Smith is known for viral TikTok videos of her getting ready for date nights with her husband, which involve quickly packing a to-go bag of lacy panties. “Babe, look what you did to my hair!” Smith says with a giggle in one video, revealing her loosened silver curls after one of their hotel dates.
Smith met her husband, Theodore Smith Sr., now 64, when they were in high school in New Orleans, Louisiana. They tied the knot after a few years of dating, and they have now been married for nearly 43 years (their anniversary is on Valentine’s Day).
At first, sex was an exciting discovery. Both Rita and Theodore said their families never talked about how to do it or how it should feel, but their connection was electric and they were used to having sex 5-7 times a week.
As for many married couples, life did get in the way of their sex life: Rita developed endometriosis and had painful symptoms when she was in her mid-20s, though she didn’t have a diagnosis at the time. Suddenly, she felt like she couldn’t do anything but just lie in bed. But moments like these can bring you closer together. Theodore stepped up to support her and their relationship, not only by taking her to specialists but by still finding ways to be intimate when she was in pain.
Now, the Smiths are determined to share with other people that sex is a crucial part of your emotional intimacy, and does not stop after a couple years of marriage. “Just being married is just not enough,” Theodore said. “You're supposed to continue to keep it spicy. And that's important to us.”
The Smiths shared some of their best sex tips, much of which can be applied long before you reach the bedroom.
1. Show up during the hard times. Intimacy will grow from there.
Theodore’s unwavering love is what got Rita through some challenging times, such as when she dealt with debilitating endometriosis symptoms at the age of 26 after the birth of their third child.
“I was really, really sick,” she said. “And I was embarrassed. I mean, I just couldn't do anything. But he was always patient and kind and although I know he didn't understand what I was going through, he always held me.”
Theodore said that putting effort into a relationship, whether it’s planning trips together or comforting your partner during a hard period, is an investment in your long-term happiness.
“Both of you need to work together, work in harmony and make deposits,” he said. “And as you make that deposit, you're going to see the dividends, you're going to reap the reward.” He emphasized that you don’t need grand gestures either — if you want to take your partner on a yacht ride but can’t afford it, rent a small boat in a city park.
“You got to do that every day, just like you got to tell your wife every day you love her,” he said, “You don’t stop telling her that.”
2. Be intimate in non-sexual ways
Before anything good can happen in the bedroom, lots of touching, quality time together, and unbridled adoration has to occur outside of it, the Smiths said.
Even after Theodore leaves for work, Rita said they call each other and talk all the time. “I really feel like a newlywed all over again,” she said. When out together, they regularly hold hands, touch, and laugh.
“All of that is a great part of intimacy,” Rita said. “It gets you stimulated, and when you do go home, the next thing you know you want to take your bath and be sexual again.”
3. Invest in dressing up
The couple loves seeing each other dressed up, and actually invests money in it.
“We have a budget for our lingerie and stuff,” Theodore said. Sometimes, they go over-budget, but accept that it’s worth the price of keeping the marriage exciting and fun.
“I like to see him in sexy thongs,” Rita said. “He always purchased my lingerie, so I would go out and purchase him some thongs, what I want to see him in.”
They also love to dress up when they go out, with Rita wearing dresses and Theodore opting for bold blazers and sweaters. “I like a short dress to my knee so he could touch my legs,” Rita said.
Rita said she also loves wearing a silk robe at home. “The beautiful thing for me to have a silk robe with nothing on sometimes,” she said. “I really like him to suck my breasts.”
But the most significant piece of advice Rita has on attire is always having an emergency stash of panties for when your partner whisks you away to a fun date. “I always tell women it's very important to keep your pair of snatchers in your handbag,” she said. “Make sure your bag is packed.”
4. Prioritize relaxation
Stress negatively impacts your sexual performance, making it harder to connect with your body and your partner.
To make the evenings flow smoothly, Theodore said he’ll not only plan the whole date, but take time to order Rita’s favorite food to “just let her relax herself and feel comfortable.”
On days when Rita’s endometriosis symptoms flare up, she said Theodore will massage the parts of her body which can swell up.
“He gets me so relaxed with these massages until the next thing you know, we’re doing it,” she said.
5. Eat a balanced diet
Studies show that the Mediterranean diet is great for your sex life by lowering inflammation and increasing blood flow.
Rita said that Theodore is very health-conscious, cutting meat and processed foods out of his diet. She also makes him green juices and smoothies.
“When I tell you he is like a durable battery,” Rita said. “I have to tell him sometimes, ‘Babe, you got to calm down for me. Slow down.’”
6. If you’re busy with work and kids, find small ways to experiment
When the Smiths were raising their children, it was tougher to find time to have sex. Still, they would wait until naptime or when the kids went to sleep for the night.
“They knew when we shut our bedroom door, that was our time,” Rita said. Around that period, they also started incorporating roleplay into their sex lives — something they still do today.
“I like to have this pink piece around my neck, it just makes me feel more sexy,” Rita said. “A cowboy hat on, Wonder Woman, Catwoman. I like to just be different characters.”
The roleplay doesn’t have to be elaborate — Rita said Theodore will sometimes come home to find her in a sexy top as his “pretend waiter.” “I like to stoop over because I have a big butt and just let his eyes be on me,” she said. “To me, that's fun.”
7. Remember: things get exciting when your kids leave home
Rita and Theodore said their sex life has gone “to another level” as empty-nesters. A memorable recent experience happened inside their truck at night.
“We went through the back door, he heard me put the key in ignition, so he put the air on and it was dark,” Rita said. Continuing to try new things — and invest care and time into sex — is what makes their marriage so fun, Rita said. “A lot of people think ‘They ain't doing nothing,’” she said. “Well, honey, if the walls could talk and the chandelier and the bed could tell you, you would know.”
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