- Hollywood movies and porn videos have us convinced a couple of thrusts is enough to propel a woman into a mind-blowing orgasm, but in reality, climaxing from penetrative sex isn't common.
- A 2017 study found that only 18% of women said they could orgasm from penetration alone. That was compared to 37% who said they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
- I'm guessing you feel inadequate because, just like I used to believe, having a vaginal orgasm is often considered superior than having a clitoral orgasm.
- Your vagina isn't broken or any less normal than the next person's, so don't be afraid to ask for whatever it is you need to get to that "OMG yes" moment.
- Read more Doing It Right here.
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I'm a 20-year-old woman and I can't orgasm during penetrative sex. Whenever I have vaginal sex, it feels good and all, but I just can't seem to reach the climax.
Even when I'm masturbating, orgasm only happens when I'm stimulating my clitoris, but not through fingering.
Is something wrong with my vagina?
- Singapore
Dear Singapore,
Even though Hollywood movies and porn videos have us convinced a couple of thrusts is enough to propel a woman into a mind-blowing orgasm, I'm here to tell you orgasms from penetrative sex aren't that common.
In fact, your experience of needing clitoral stimulation to reach climax is the case for most women.
Researchers who surveyed 2,000 women about their orgasm experiences for a 2017 study in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% said they could orgasm from penetration alone. That was compared to 37% who said they, like you, needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
I'm guessing that despite the fact that you do know what works for you (hooray!), you still feel inadequate because you've been made to believe, just like I was once, that having a vaginal orgasm is superior to having a clitoral orgasm. I mean, there are whole magazine articles dedicated to helping a woman find her magical G-spot so she can have a vaginal orgasm instead of the more common clitoral kind.
But take it from me: It isn't worth it. I (and I'm sure many other women) can recall moments when I've tried to will my body into having that elusive and supposedly life-changing vaginal orgasm, but it's never happened. And guess what? It still hasn't happened, yet here I am, perfectly satisfied with my sex life.
Plus, the idea that there are special types of orgasms and a hierarchy built around them is factually incorrect, and there's even science to prove it.
When people refer to "clitoral orgasms" or "vaginal orgasms," what they're really describing is what part of the genitalia had to be stimulated to reach orgasm, sex researcher Nicole Prause told me.
"The truth is, there is no differentiation between the two," Prause said, adding that "contractions always occur throughout the pelvis," regardless of whether you're being stimulated from your clitoris or inside your vagina. That means classifying orgasms vaginal, clitoral, or something else wrongly insinuates that the orgasm itself is occurring in the clitoris versus in the vagina.
Bottom line: Your vagina isn't broken or any less normal than the next person's, so don't be afraid to ask for whatever it is you need to get to that "OMG yes" moment.
As Insider's resident sex and relationships reporter, Julia Naftulin is here to answer all of your questions about dating, love, and doing it — no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists, and urologists to get science-backed answers to your burning questions, with a personal twist.
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